Your parents came from difficult conditions filled with struggle and often did not have enough growing up. Only once you know some of the reasons for your parents’ insanity can you begin the process of understanding, coping with, healing from and surviving their dominion.Ī place of scarcity.
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One way to understand why some parents are so Mao Zedong-like in their child-rearing behaviors is to understand what made them this way. I do know plenty of emotionally healthy, loving and supportive Indian parents, so let me not throw all of them under the bus. Link to Amazon Book Why are Indian parents so nutty? How do we cope? Or tolerate the abuse? How do we move forward? For more information, check out out my book on this topic: I’m not only going to explain why our parents are so unconscious, but what we can do about it. Or even help you cope with them in your adult years. Whatever it is, I’m here to offer some thoughts to help you heal, survive and live with your parents for the few more years you have left under their care. Or hey, you might even live in the States or Britain, but still have experienced this kind of parenting style. You could be in Saudi, Egypt, Iran, Iraq or Turkey. You may be in Nepal, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Indonesia, Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, Korea, Cambodia or Laos. I had a very similar experience growing up in this kind of environment.Īlthough different today, the impact of my childhood has been scarring.Īnd it’s not just Indian people! Many Asian cultures have seen this type of abusive parenting. If you think I’m reading your mind and your life, I’m not. You’re compared to your friends, compared to your family members and compared to random Indian kids who win spelling bees, receive Harvard acceptance letters or get nominated to a federal judgeship. Told you’re not loved, not wanted, not worthy and that you do not make your parents proud. Yelled at, screamed at, compared to others, verbally assaulted, bullied, threatened to be sent back to India, threatened to be sent to live with relatives.
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You’re not good, not good enough and something is inherently wrong with you as a person.
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There’s something wrong with your mind, weight, height, or even skin color!! You’re unworthy, incompetent, useless and dumb. You’re told that it was your parents’ ill fate to have given birth to you. You’re told that you are the result of bad karma from a past life. You’re told that you shouldn’t have been born or that it would be better if you were dead. You’re called names (including animals like “donkey” or “cow” and other animals found in Southeast Asia) and often the worst insults imaginable.
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No, you’re not being beaten (some of you are) or starved (some of you are) or locked up in solitary confinement (some of you are), but you are being emotionally beaten down every single day of your life. (And even adults who survived a detrimental childhood) Yes, those of you who suffering in the care and control of their parents. ( I write this for you with love and understanding, compassion and hope for healing) This post is dedicated to all the Indian kids out there who are being raised by over-bearing and abusive parents.